It’s a new month and around here that means we’ll be talking about a new adjustment issue. Last month we looked at how tough it can be to become a caregiver. We watched our “old dog” learn a lot of new tricks – and learn a lot about himself in the process. This month we are going to the other end of marriage – to the newlywed phase.
Our clients this time have been married only a few months. They are right in the middle of what I call the “newlywed blues.” The honeymoon is over and now the real work of building a life together begins in earnest. Those of you in this phase will be able to empathize with their struggles. For those of you not there yet – stick around and gather some tools and techniques to make the transition easier when it comes. Those of us who have already been through this stage can also benefit from the refresher course.
So, let’s hear a bit from the client:
“My husband and I had a busy month. We hit the nine month mark in our marriage, attended a wedding, and had some truly deep discussions about our future. We’ve grown so much in the past nine months and seeing another couple tie the reminded us of just how far we’ve come. But it sure feels like we have a long way to go!
Now that we are in our own place and all the drama around the wedding is over, it seems like things should be settling down. Instead it feels like constant turmoil. Nothing major. Just a lot of minor stuff. Neither of us are big on conflict. We’re also not big on talking about our feelings. And we’ve come to realize in the last few months that these two traits combine for some big problems. Stuff just builds up between us and we don’t do a very good job of getting it out there, dealing with it, and moving on. I don’t feel HEARD very often and I don’t think he does either. Add on to that trying to figure out money stuff together and all the other “life” issues and it feels like a pretty big mountain looming in front of us.
We both really want to have a GREAT marriage. Finding him was the best thing that ever happened to me and I am committed to making this thing work. I just don’t feel like I have the right tools or something. I am willing to try anything to get back to the happy place we started this thing from. I want to feel like we can handle whatever life throws at us. I’m just not sure that is the case right now. It feels really fragile and hard.”
So, there you have it – a clear case of newlywed blues. Two people who find themselves at a post-honeymoon loss. Now that they are faced with the work of building a strong foundation, they aren’t sure they are up to the task. This couple made a courageous and intelligent decision early in their marriage – they sought help! They did not hide from the issues and hope it would all somehow work out. They admitted that they had some issues that needed to be addressed and they took action. Too many times couples are embarrassed to admit that everything is not perfect; they think something is “wrong” with them because they aren’t blissfully living “happily ever after.” What a crock! Happily ever after takes a lot of work!
Tomorrow I will be sharing a technique used with couples just like this. It is a simple and (relatively) painless way to deepen the connection you have with your partner. You won’t want to miss it!
In the meantime, ConnectionPoints provides great way to start working toward that relationship you really want. Check it out now!