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Where is MY knight in Shining Armor: Dealing with dependency

Like replacing bad habits with good ones, your irrational thoughts must be replaced with more rational, helpful  ones. Hopefully you have identified those thoughts that tend to plague you.

Maybe even filled out the BELIEFS INVENTORY.

Because now we are going to take a closer look at each of those pesky irrational thoughts spelled out in What are You Thinking.  

Irrational Belief #8:  

The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than our self on which to rely

Today, we are focusing on our tendency look for someone – ANYONE – who can be our rescuer.  This irrational thought generally sounds something like “If only I had a husband/wife/mentor, then my life wouldn’t suck!”  Or, “Once I meet the right person everything will be perfect!” Or “I’m just not ready to handle the world on my own yet. I’d rather stay home with my parents.”  

The problem is that no one else can be responsible our happiness.  And, expecting anyone to fill this role leaves us feeling helpless, powerless, and small. 

Let’s take a look at the rational alternative to these limiting, restrictive thoughts.

Rational Thought: I can handle this.

People are naturally dependent on others for things like food, work, and affection.  However, we all must learn that we are sufficient – that we do not need to be “rescued” by someone else.

While it is natural to feel strong bonds to the important people in our lives, it is unhealthy to become so dependent that the loss of one special person would leave you helpless and devastated.  Of course we grieve when we lose someone we love.  That’s normal and natural.  But, we MUST become comfortable with the idea that life WILL og on for us.

It is also unhealthy to expect any other person to “fix” your life for you. We are each responsible for creating the life we want.  If the life you have isn’t working for you, it’s up to YOU to fix it.  No one can do it for you – even if they wanted to tackle such a massive project. We must all learn to “fix” our own lives and free those important to us from that impossible expectation.

Instead, we need to learn to be responsible for our own happiness.  We need to build relationships that based on MUTUAL support rather than neediness and dependency.  We need to build confidence that we can handle it.  Whatever “it” might be. 

YOU are enough.  YOU can handle life.

Countering Irrational Beliefs #8: Here’s a handy little printable worksheet to help you learn to counteract the tendency toward neediness and dependency.  Try it out.  You CAN change how you think.  And that WILL change how you feel and how you act.

Next up: Irrational Belief #9 – How do you view your past?  Have you ever heard yourself say “I will NEVER get over this”?  Next time we tackle this idea that we are captives to our past experiences.  Don’t miss it!

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